Home Sweet Home

       Ah, that new house smell. Well not “new” new, but new to us. Finally, we are all moved in and still in the unpacking process but for the most part everything is done. I never in a million years would have thought I would be glad to be in Texas again but I am. I think knowing where we are going this time around really helped. By know I mean the fact that we lived here before so there isn’t much learning of the area to be had. Every day I wake up and look at the mountains and just feel so at peace. I really would have thought being near the ocean would be the place that called to me but nope, the mountains are home.

      I have to say, this go around we really got lucky. The house is nice and big and our neighbors are awesome. First day in the one right next to us introduced herself. She is this beautiful German woman who has this amazing southern accent (I know, how strange but when you learn English in the south I reckon that is how your English will be spoken). She has a little girl about Natalie’s age and already told us about the middle school. Then there is the lovely family behind us who instantly asked us if we needed anything to tide us over until the movers came and invited us to a cookout. I swear, it is the army life I thought my husband was signing up for. Wives climbing over the rock-wall fences with glasses of wine in their hands to hang out at the neighbor’s house, a neighborhood goat dog who likes to walk along said fences and visit the other houses, kids all grouping together to play outside, and families around you offering support when needed. I am in love. This is exactly where God wanted us to be, and now the fact that we didn’t go through with buying a house all makes sense. He knew what we needed and provided just that, and I am so grateful for that.

      Now it is off to do some more unpacking and organizing! But first…COFFEE!!!!

Checking out

               Stress is something I know very well. Worrying is my best friend. Anxiety has become second nature to me. I don’t think I ever wake up feeling normal anymore. I go to sleep with a brain full of thoughts and when I wake up it is just a continuum of the same thoughts. All of this has taken a toll on me in the form of some weird undiagnosed (as of right now) illness and that is scary only adding to the worry. I have been good on just going with the flow until recently when everything just seems to be piling up. I am trying to keep up with the what happens happens mentality and it is freaking hard. We are not programed to trust, even as much as we may want to. It is a constant battle of knowing God knows what is best and trusting him to do his thing. It is WORK and I am working on it. Now more than ever, since they cant quite figure out what is wrong with me yet (more tests are pending).

              So now I am just taking a step back from the stress of it all and just shrugging stuff off. I think I can lean on my husband a little more, seeking his help in some of the situations. "You want to buy a house, honey? Okay, you pick it out and deal with all the stuff that comes with it. You can plan the trip to Texas and the budget. I am checking out, babe." It isn’t a vindictive move, or one that I am taking so that I can just push responsibility off on him, it is a move to save my sanity and my health.

Organized Chaos

          It has been three years since my last blog post. I am horrible, I know. In those three years so much has changed. I have five children now. My youngest, Charlie, just turned two. We live in Georgia but are moving back to Texas in a few months. Like the title reads...organized chaos. I honesty don't know what my days will bring but each morning I greet the day with optimistic enthusiasm! Okay, I lied. I want to greet the mornings that way however my waking up more resembles that meme going around of the skeleton crawling down the side walk. I would be crawling towards the coffee of course. I wish I was supermom who had all her shit together. Someone who could nonchalantly shrug off the days problems. Someone who seemed to always be aware of her surroundings. I keep waiting for that adult figure in me to turn on. Nearing thirty now and I just don't see it coming any time soon. I still feel like that awkward teenager who is on the brink of adulthood but still hasn't a clue as to what the ever loving f*** she is doing.

           I feel somewhat organized. Especially with my love of list making, planners, and daily organizers. But of course with such a big family, living on the military's time, and just being human that means my life is chaotic and messy. I have learned to accept it. Embrace it even. I am tired of comparing myself to other women, tired of trying to reach an unobtainable standard for stay at home moms. So here I am, raw, unfiltered, and ready to share my chaos with the world.

Bold Is The New Me

I have been loving a bolder lip color this winter/spring. Normally I shy away from bold lips, unless it is red and even then only on special occasions. But truth me told I love bright lips or dark lips. I just normally shy away from it because I do not like to draw attention to myself. But this year is all about rediscovering myself and learning about what I really like.

So long I have spent worrying about what others think of me, but no more! And to kick start the bolder me I have a few shades here that just scream “A Bold New Me”.

-Revlon Colorburst Matte Balm in the shade  215 Shameless----I have been wearing this on most days lately. Normally I pair it with a neutral eye just to tone down the amount of color on my face. Purple is my favorite color and this color does not disappoint. I love the matte finish and staying power. It has a pepperminty scent that is pleasing and not to overpowering.

-YSL Rouge Volupte Shine in the shade 16 Orange Impertinent----When I am not wearing Shameless I am wearing this orangey color. I am very pale and this color is one of the few orange toned colors I can pull off. The lipstick itself is very creamy and glossy. I usually blot my lips after applying and go (since I am more of a matte finish kind of girl). The color is rich and lasting as well and does not dry out my lips.

-NYX lipcolor in the shade Chaos---- This is more so a fall/winter color that I took with me into spring as well. I wear red lipstick all year around and this is one that I think would look great on any skin tone (my own is quite tricky so finding a red that really suits me is hard). It is very creamy and shinny and has amazing staying power for such a decently priced lipstick.

-Flower Lip Butter in the shade LB9 Wispy Wisteria---- I just purchased this today and was pleasantly surprised. It is not over the top and quite sheer, but on days where I want color but not COLOR it will be perfect. It is very smooth and hydrating on the lips as well.

-Rimmel Show Off in the shade 501 Stellar---- FINALLY. I have been waiting ages for this to hit the states and even longer for it to reach local stores. I finally found it at Walmart and snatched up this beautiful bright reddish pink with a hint of coral. Like all the beauty gurus have concluded this product rocks. The staying power, the pigment, the nondrying consistency. I love it. And plan on buying several more shades (sorry Babe).

Swatched on my pale skin: Shameless, Chaos, Stellar, Wispy Wisteria, and Orange Impertinent.

Swatched on my daughters tanned skin: Orange Impertinent, Wispy Wisteria, Stellar, Chaos, and Shameless

These are just a few of my new found bold loves. What have you been loving lately?

If this is how the rest of the year is going to go… count me out.

             I had such high hopes for this year and so far my expectations have not been met. The last three weekends have been spent sick. The first I was in the ER for extreme pain to my uterus (or what I thought it was). I was diagnosed with a UTI. The weekend after that I was sick with the flu. Actually the three older kids and I were all sick and bedridden for three days. It sucked. Then this past weekend I went back to the ER when I woke with a stabbing pain in my side. Nothing helped the pain either so I had no choice but to go in. Turns out two weeks prior I was misdiagnosed with the UTI because in fact I had a kidney stone. And OH MY HECK kidney stones are nothing to joke about. A tiny little stone and I thought I was going to die from the pain. We are talking excruciating, passing out, puking it hurts so bad, pain.  I would have happily birthed all four of my kids sans epidural again… at once…than deal with that pain again. Bad part is, it runs in my family so I am screwed as far as getting them again. Great, just great. Any way, the stone passed and I am due back to the urologist next week. Yay… not. The part that sucks is that I am feeling the onset of another cold coming. I refuse to be sick again. End of story. This is just a bit much. And if this is any indication as to how the rest of this year is going to pan out, well… count me out. I have big plans for 2014 and being sick all the time is just not in them.

Severus... The Best Cat Ever

It has been a while since I have written a blog post but today I finally have a chance to sit down and write one. It has been a trying couple of weeks. David was in WLC (classes for becoming a Sergeant) and he was hardly home (literally came home, ate, and went to bed and was up before the rest of us and left). So I have been busy with all the house and kid stuff and weekends were just a lazy affair. To be frank, there was nothing to write about. I felt drained for the most part and just wanted to sleep.

This week has been even worse because my beloved cat passed away. Severus was young and up until the end didn't show signs of anything being wrong. Monday night he was acting weird and could hardly walk. I checked him from head to toe and he didn't seem hurt in anyway. I chalked it up to him perhaps hurting himself while getting his fat butt off the dryer (my dog pulled a muscle playing with our other dog, he limped for a bit but was fine in a few days). He could still walk so I thought he would be fine. I put him on the floor close to our bed, wrapped a blanket around him and he slept there the whole night. I woke up once when he tried to climb on the bed and couldn't and again when he threw up. That morning he drank some water and seemed like he was getting better. My husband was already gone, there wasn't much I could do. So I brought him out to the living room with us and set him on the couch, making sure he was warm and near family. Later in the day he started breathing funny. It was wet and gurgul-y sounding. His body twitched when in he inhale. I started to panic and pray. I couldn't do anything. I had the kids and no car. So I prayed and prayed that he would miraculously heal and be better. He was like a child to me. He was my bestest friend. The thought of losing him so soon was incomprehensible. When he started panting I changed my prayers from survival to a quick death. I knew he was in pain and I didn't want him to be that way until I could get the car and do something about it. With my final words I looked over and he was gone.

His tail was bushy and his hackles were raised as well. I had never had a pet die in front of my eyes, I didn't know what was happening. I sat next to him and placed my hand on him, waiting for the inhale. It didn't come. At that point I broke down in tears. My poor Daughter asking me what was wrong. I sat there sobbing for sometime before I had to move his body.

That day we buried him in the yard (even though we are not allowed to. I really don't care, I was not about to just throw him in the trash and we could not afford cremation). The kids got to say goodbye. David and I had to explain death for the first time. We have talked about it to the kids before when they asked questions but seeing it first hand was different. Hayley still asks when Severus is going to come back home. Natalie wasn't as heart broken and understood. Logan, however, was crushed.

I let them stay home the next day of school because Logan and I were still pretty upset. I just wanted to stay home with them and they with me. I know to most it was just a cat, but I am an animal lover and even more a cat lover. He was perfection. The cat I had always wanted when I was growing up. He will forever have a big chunk of my heart and I will never forget his sweet face and annoying snore. When I miscarried our fourth child, he sat with me in bed and cuddled, knowing my heartache, and when we had Aria he would lay as close to my belly as possible and purr as he kicked against him.

The kids want to know when we will get another cat, and we will. But I need time to heal from my loss and told them after we move to Georgia next year we can rescue another cat.

This was the day we adopted MJ and Severus. He always let her climb all over him and never got pissy with her kitten antics.

Rest in Peace Severus. You will always be the best freaking cat in the whole world.

Black Friday

Ahhh Thanksgiving is over now and what fun it was. Cooking all say and spending maybe thirty minutes eating. Since it is just Hubby, the kids, and I for the holidays we have tons of leftovers too. So we are going to ham it up this week (yes, ham, I cannot cook turkey for the life of me. I blame the stove). Over all I can say I am extremely thankful for all that I have received this year. Yes times are hard and we have had our ups and downs but we have each other and we are comfortable in that.

I miss our families this time of year though. Especially the wild Kalita bunch who always throw one heck of a get-together. I remember going to family gatherings as a child and I cherish those memories. I am saddened that the kids are not going to experience that with us moving halfway across the country and all that jazz. I would love to be able to, one day, travel home for the holidays even if it would be a zoo doing so. I have always wanted a big, close knit family, even if some of them drive you nuts. I wish my family got along better with my husbands family so we can have one huge gathering… Oh well. Best not dwell on such things.

On a side note David and I ventured out yesterday (black friday) with the kids. It was already the afternoon so we figured we would be safe because all the back friday shoppers go early and would be home by then… yeah, I forgot, people here do not wake early for anything. It was a mad house for the most part but I was able to pick up two little gifts for David and a little something for Logan's teacher from last year who is due any day now. Over all it wasn't that bad (Aside from the kids constant need for the bathroom and the crowdedness that triggered my claustrophobia and anxiety). Poor David is such a trooper.

Today is grocery shopping day. Yay… NOT.