Stress is something I know very well. Worrying is my best
friend. Anxiety has become second nature to me. I don’t think I ever wake up
feeling normal anymore. I go to sleep with a brain full of thoughts and when I
wake up it is just a continuum of the same thoughts. All of this has taken a
toll on me in the form of some weird undiagnosed (as of right now) illness and
that is scary only adding to the worry. I have been good on just going with the
flow until recently when everything just seems to be piling up. I am trying to
keep up with the what happens happens mentality and it is freaking hard. We are
not programed to trust, even as much as we may want to. It is a constant battle
of knowing God knows what is best and trusting him to do his thing. It is WORK
and I am working on it. Now more than ever, since they cant quite figure out
what is wrong with me yet (more tests are pending).
So now I
am just taking a step back from the stress of it all and just shrugging stuff
off. I think I can lean on my husband a little more, seeking his help in some
of the situations. "You want to buy a house, honey? Okay, you pick it out and
deal with all the stuff that comes with it. You can plan the trip to Texas and
the budget. I am checking out, babe." It isn’t a vindictive move, or one that I
am taking so that I can just push responsibility off on him, it is a move to save
my sanity and my health.
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